he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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