He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
