508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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