Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
