I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
