You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
