i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
