I wish I could teleport
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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