i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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