I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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