READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love having hate sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
