Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
