i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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