flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
