i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
