my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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