am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
