what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
