So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
