I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
vagina is talking i cant
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
