I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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