something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
