my vag is so smooth its legendary
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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