why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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