I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
