suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
