I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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