Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
