hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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