They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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