woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
