I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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