you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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