i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
