What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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