if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
