A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
