Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
