My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
