watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
