Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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