the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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