I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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