he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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