Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
