By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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