kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
