I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
