So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
