i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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