I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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