i already hear my dad disowning me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize