Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
