hotel room ftw
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
