i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
