I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
