i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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