omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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