Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

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(605): View more from South Dakota

You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

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(313): View more from Michigan

My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar

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(218): View more from Minnesota

We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.

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(509): View more from Washington

So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"

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(631): View more from New York

He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.

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(303): View more from Colorado

When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever

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(330): View more from Ohio

I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS

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(720): View more from Colorado

He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger

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