he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
