honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
