True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize