I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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