where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
