I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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