listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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